So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
