that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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