I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
