she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
