he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I believe in your delicious
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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