I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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