ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
