I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My feet surprised me
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