Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
