i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
