If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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