well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
