So drunk its hurt
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
