Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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