I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
