Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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