dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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