we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
