I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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