I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
