With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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