atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize