I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
