I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
