The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
