I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
