im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize