She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Who put my cat in the fridge?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
