i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
