i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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