Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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