Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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