So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
