How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
