elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize