He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
