The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize