All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
