Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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