last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
