HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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