I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
