covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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