how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
