you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
