i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
