I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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