Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
