Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
