thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
How does one acquire holy water?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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