I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
