Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
