Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
