**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
