If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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