Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
