She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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