Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
