I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
