I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
