i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
