I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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