I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My vagina is officially offended.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
