508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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