Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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