I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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