I just cut my nipple shaving
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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