I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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