Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
